Well, I know having kids just about jampacks your schedule full 24 hours a day, but if you’re a mom, it’s well worth carving out an hour to watch pregnant Amy Schumer’s one-hour comedy special on Netflix called Growing.
If you watched Ali Wong’s specials, you would have seen a comedian totally comfortable with being pregnant, seeming to coast through the nine months before giving birth.
Don’t get me wrong, hers were hilarious, but get ready to see what pregnancy is really like in all its ingloriousness with Amy who struggled with hyperemesis gravidarum.
She doesn’t beat around the bush or paint a pain-free picture but tells it like it really is – how horrible she looks, how sucky it is to work when all you want is to pretend the world doesn’t exist, and how awful being sick every day is. Her comedic bits really hit home for anyone who has ever experienced pregnancy.
“I have not had an easy pregnancy. I have hyperemesis, which I never even heard of. It’s extreme nausea and vomiting. If you’ve ever had food poisoning, it’s that. I’ve had that every day for five months.
And people are like, ‘You’re so strong. Look at you out there. You’re on the road.’ I’m contractually obligated to be out here, guys. I’m not like, ‘I don’t care. The show must go on.’ I’m like, ‘I will be sued by Live Nation. That’s why I’m here.’”
No spoilers, just a taste:
I don’t want to give it all away because you really need to watch the special for yourself, but I’ll share just a few more of her belly-busting comments.
“Usually when someone in the public eye gets pregnant, there’s like a couple months where there’s some rumors about them, you know. There’s some like, ‘Oop! Bump alert! Uh-oh!’ I was well into my second trimester. Not one fucking rumor about me. Nothing. I was photographed. Belly out.
And they’re like, ‘There’s Amy … looking happy! I don’t know. Doing her.’ And then so once people knew, they were like, ‘Is she showing?’ They were like, ‘No more than normal. It just kinda looks like she took her Spanx off.’”
She even lifted her dress to show the crowd her black underwear and bandage-covered navel after telling them, “My belly button is getting so misshapen that I had to put two band-aids over it tonight.”
She addresses all the questions she was plagued with: “What are you having? Do you know what you’re having?’ ‘HEMORRHOIDS!’ (Amy screams) ‘Any other questions?’” and shouted, “I just came so close to shitting myself. This special almost became a real special. What would I have done? Kind of just kicked it? Trusted that you guys would have been cool?”
Last but not least, one of her best moments was when she talked about Hollywood’s unhelpful depiction of a working pregnant woman.
“I didn’t know that being pregnant could be really hard. I didn’t know that because you bitches all lie about it. Women don’t tell you how hard it is. I should have Googled it. I should have Googled ‘being pregnant.’
Cause in movies they don’t show you. There’s just a montage where the girl’s in her office and she’s typing, and then she’s like [hand over mouth, preventing vomit from coming out] and she runs to the bathroom.
She throws up once! And then in the next scene, she’s in overalls painting a barn, like, ‘Yay! I can’t wait to meet you!’ I throw up an exorcist amount every day. And I feel like if you had a good pregnancy if you’re someone who enjoyed being pregnant, I hope your car flips over. That’s … that’s what I wish for you.”